Thank you to Alan Carson for suggestion my attendance and to Stephen Gough for organising “The State of the Union; Beyond 2021” event in East Belfast this week. The impression I left with was that we are all aching for great leadership.
This is the first of two posts I will offer on my insights from the session.
“If you want to understand any woman you must first ask about her mother and listen carefully. Stories about food show a strong connection. Wistful silences demonstrate unfinished business. The more a daughter knows the details of her mother’s life – without flinching or whining – the stronger the daughter.” Anita Diamont
Mothering, all parenting – is not a benign undertaking. We give as good as we got. Well mothered children grow up to be parents who can offer the same. For less well-mothered children, even in spite of our best efforts, our woundedness becomes inter-generational, having rendered us less than perfect parents.
English paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott addressed this in outlining the concept of good enough mother. He was writing 50+ years ago, so it’s fair to read ‘mother’ as ‘parent’.
Dr Jennifer Kunst describes Winnicott’s ‘good enough mother’ as:
… sincerely preoccupied with being a mother. She pays attention to her baby. She provides a holding environment. She offers both physical and emotional care. She provides security. When she fails, she tries again. She weathers painful feelings. She makes sacrifices. Winnicott’s good enough mother is not so much a goddess; she is a gardener. She tends her baby with love, patience, effort, and care.
And in a TED Talk, Why good leaders make you feel safe, the author Simon Sinek compares good leaders to good parents.
“The closest analogy I can give to what a great leader is, is like being a parent…What makes a great parent? We want to give our child opportunities, education, discipline them when necessary, all so that they can grow up and achieve more than we could for ourselves.
Great leaders want exactly the same thing. They want to provide their people opportunities, education and discipline when necessary, build their self confidence, give them the opportunity to try and fail, all so that they can achieve more than we could ever imagine for ourselves.”
I’d like to pitch the idea of “good enough leadership”.
This week’s coverage of death of Martin McGuinness – Northern Ireland’s former Deputy First Minister, IRA Commander, and one of the main architects of the Good Friday Agreement – reminded me of the Diamont quote.
Praised by many who knew and empathised with the details of his life, vilified by others – his legacy was and will be debated for decades. I’m choosing to see it her way:
“The more a [people] know the details of [a leader’s] life – without flinching or whining – the stronger the [people].”
Those who saw him as a great leader, experienced great leadership and benefited. Those who saw him as a good enough leader, also benefited.
And I’d like to believe that the impact of “good enough parenting” and “good enough leadership” is not what it says about us – but rather how it may benefit the next generation.
Because even those who have vilified him – having suffered horribly as a result of his paramilitary leadership, are now experiencing the benefit of a generation of Northern Irish Nationalists reared to be unwilling to take up arms.
Rationalisation? Perhaps – but on this Mothering Sunday, 2017, I’d like to believe that ‘good enough’ really is good enough because for all our missteps, we shared a commitment to providing:
… opportunities, education, discipline… when necessary, all so that they can grow up and achieve more than we could for ourselves.
“Do what is beyond your strength even should you fail sometimes.”
As the brilliant documentary “Older than the Ireland” so vividly illustrated, 100 years is not a long time.
It does, however, highlight how action taken today can significantly impact the Ireland of 2116.
I for one think we need to seriously adjust the trajectory.
Heartened and inspired by the leadership evidenced in the stories shared at Tangible Ireland’s Ambassador Summer School – 48 hours later I was faced with the critical need for a seismic shift in the expectations of the citizens of this island.
The state of Dublin is a disgrace.
We’ve invited the world to share in our commemoration, to witness our progress and experience our energy.
I joined an American tourist, spouse of a convention goer, who had no intimate knowledge of the Irish or Ireland. And I was deeply ashamed.
Navigating the streets, even outside the GPO is near impossible. Construction, broken pavements and crowds of pedestrians detoured around significant destinations, were confused, huddling over maps and tripping on obstacles.
Public transport is rerouted, the place looks dirty and disheveled.
It was a bit like being invited to a wedding when halfway down the aisle the bridal party decided that a change of hair, makeup and dresses was in order. And then they changed right there.
Let this serve as a call to action: We’re better than this!
Our emigrants have built cities all over the world. The children of this island have gone on to impact excellence in military, political, business and civic leadership all over the world. And we tolerate less than mediocrity here. I propose that we proclaim that:
The days of “whatever you say, say nothing” are over.
The days of “ah, sure they’ve got the run of themselves” are over.
The days of “sure, it’s grand, besides, you’ll never change it” are over.
Take action. Use digital media to bring examples of the unacceptable to light. Deficits in the delivery of public services, entitlement programs and long term planning can be brought to the attention of us all. Use the airwaves and Twitter-sphere to highlight failures and abuses of systems. Hold the names- just tell us what ought to be and is not. Use the hashtag #BetterThanThis. If #Shameful suits, use that too.
We’ll amplify each other’s frustrations, research and post the wisdom and experience of those who have overcome similar challenges and together we can bring the ideals of the founders to fruition in this our second century.
Alternatively, use and follow #PositiveIreland for the good news stories.
Let no one less than Charles Stewart Parnell inspire the call to action.
“We have never attempted to fix the ne plus ultra to the progress
of Ireland’s nationhood and we never shall.”
…or even relevant.
The links provided will offer a view into what system changes are succeeding elsewhere. The video below says it all.
Let’s get out of their way, stop lecturing and test less. Let’s motivate and challenge our young people to show us what they can do!
In Ireland, both in the Republic and in Northern Ireland we accept the unacceptable, which looks like:
What needs to change?
Noted education expert Sir Ken Robinson has written and spoken extensively on the subject. Changing Education Paradigms is an excellent summary of the issues at hand.
In Ireland, I invite you to follow the work of ChangED a new think tank focused on challenging us all to drive reforms in education across the island.
You can follow their work on Twitter @IRLChangED and watch for their position papers to be published this fall. The papers will address:
You can help:
Follow the good news stories, and when a school or a group distinguishes itself, please bring it everyone’s attention. People fear change and nothing alleviates that fear like the success stories.
Like this one:
In Dublin at Donabate Portrane Educate Together, they’re Teaching Empathy, Leadership & Confidence. It is one of 12 Changemaker schools designated by Ashoka Ireland, an international network of social entrepreneurs.
It is when we demand this kind of innovation in education at every school in all levels that it will happen. Empower teachers, principals and parents by getting involved.
Educate yourself!
There is a wealth of information out there about innovative programs from around the world.
I will close with a summary statement of the goals of ChangED and suggest that it be a goal every citizen embraces.
ChangED aims to ensure that education in Ireland has equality of opportunity, excellence in teaching and learning, accountability, sustainability, a global outlook, wellbeing, resilience and an appreciation of the richness of different cultures and languages as its hallmarks.
“A mind is a terrible thing to waste” 
So goes the very powerful fundraising campaign launched by United Negro College Fund in 1972. It’s one of the most enduring tag-lines Madison Avenue has brought the world. It endures because the sentiment is universal.
Dust off the cobwebs, turn off the talking heads and find out what real people working on the front lines of social, political and educational change, are up to.
The season of “Summer Schools” is underway. It’s a glorious opportunity to surround yourself with the intellectually curious, to have your thinking challenged and be infused with a dose of positivity.
We are sadly lacking mature leadership on the island of Ireland and it has never been more important for all of us to develop ourselves into an active and engaged citizenry.
The McGill, Merriman & xChange Summer Schools are now behind us. There is ample coverage of all available and still time to consider The Thomas D’Arcy McGee Summer School in Carlingford which will address “D’Arcy McGee, 1916 and Revolutionary Republicanism” and Tangible Ireland’s Ambassador Summer School which covers “Business & Civic Leadership”.
Don’t do it for yourself, do it for your children and grandchildren. Education doesn’t end with “qualifications“, it’s a life-long process. Model it!
Why? Frederick Douglas sums it up perfectly: “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men”
*(per the 2014 post – and an excellent incentive to mark your calendars for the 2017 events…) The McGill Summer School will stream its programming on “Reforming and Rebuilding our State”. And there’s still time to plan an outing to Glenties. Audio highlights of the xChange Summer School about “Changing Conversations” are available. Still ahead are the Merriman Summer School where “Emotional Life in Ireland” will be explored; The Thomas D’Arcy McGee Summer School in Carlingford will address “The Famine in Ulster”; Tangible Ireland’s Ambassador Summer School covers “Business & Civic Leadership” and there are many more.
Culture shock comes close to describing my experience as a second generation Irish-American in Ireland.
I was frequently told that I needed to learn how to “act Irish”. Apparently this calls for a combination of politeness, passivity, not being direct, self-deprecation, an avoidance of self-promotion, and a tendency toward begrudgery.
Any attempt to fall back on my US-cultivated cultural norms around self promotion, assertiveness and confidence, earned me the label “cheeky,” or “bold,” or “troublesome.”
Personally and professionally, conformity seemed counterproductive at the height of the financial crisis. The negative impact on people’s mental and physical health and well being was palpable. Passivity, while the acceptable default response, seemed a significant part of the problem.
I came to believe that reflecting my contrary perspective, while “bold”, could help others appreciate that:
It’s the message I deliver in coaching and training individuals and small businesses in my private practice and to a wider audience via Neo Ireland.
To that end, Neo Ireland*:
We invite you to join the discussions at any time via Twitter, Facebook or Linkedin.
*Closed in 2015, Empowering Change continues Neo Ireland’s outreach.
Peripheral to two capitals that benefit from significant foreign direct investment, policies favouring support of 21st century technologies plus agencies committed to expanding markets, the NI/ROI border region is uniquely placed to focus on just three of these six key pillars.
Human Capital, Supports and Culture
Our task is to develop these to ensure we can fully participate. In an age of a mobile and freelance workforce, geographically peripherality does not preclude our being pivotal to both markets
A skilled workforce is educated, confident, flexible and resilient. Peer to peer educational and networking opportunities serve to showcase local entrepreneurial success stories, highlight opportunities and encourage our somewhat risk averse population to follow their lead.
At the core, programs like BizCamps, Newry Creates, Women that Work among others, address the roots of our collective difficulty with ambition & self-promotion.
We signpost resources designed to provide mentorship among peers, encouraging participants to “pay it forward” volunteering with outreach efforts like CoderDoJo and Drone Academy to inspire and support skill building among young people as well as the unemployed.
Where opportunities may not yet exist we support people seeking to create them.
Many of you post these images regularly – from the safety of your American homes. Please rethink them.
I used to live there – now Ireland is my home. It has been since November 2008.
It is not always safe here on the border. Our world is different than yours.
I live and work between Dublin and Belfast. I am privileged to carry both US & Irish Passports.
The UK government honors my Irish Citizenship conferring upon me every right of her citizens. I was welcomed when I established my business in County Down. I have been as free to live in Northern Ireland as the Republic.
We are 32 counties of residents on the island of Ireland. 17% of us were born elsewhere.
Our average life span is 80 years; longer than yours. We all have a vote. We could even vote to unite Ireland. Take a long view – it will likely happen. The island has been populated for over 12 thousand years. The British have been here only 850.
Governments in the 21st century amount to “taxing authorities”. We don’t raise armies to protect these borders, we live in the EU. Our borders are collectively protected.
Things are better in the Republic for Protestants and in the North for Catholics* than for African Americans across much of the US – So I’d argue your civil rights movement needs your attention more than ours.
Consider this:
Try this:
STOP the madness, please. There is not a strong enough political class anywhere on the island of Ireland to effectively govern a single county, no less the 32.
This is Ireland in the 21st century, our young people united in sport, the Queen at Croke Park and with the Minister and Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland touring the now restored Crumlin Gaol. Having both spent time there during the Troubles, they used the occasion to thank her for her hospitality.(Both served time)
I’m sorry our ancestors emigrated to America under duress. I’m sorry you are emotionally stuck in the pain of their loss. I’m sorry you have not made peace with Ireland’s political reality in 2015.
These images are not icons of nationalism. They are hate speech. That you would encourage violence to be visited upon yet another generation is despicable.
If you passionately believe in a “united Ireland” then come. Move here, work for a political solution, work to bring out the vote and work for an economically sustainable Ireland.
In the meanwhile – do not overtly or inadvertently encourage violence. Do not encourage or support dissident activity. And do not undermine the Police Service or either government.
Here’s why:
The Wikipedia entry for the activities of just one dissident group in the 6 years between my arrival & November 2014 is over 2500 words.
The heinous acts committed by “other” dissidents encouraged by the rhetoric of 26+6= 1 over the same 6 years, are not even included.
Let me introduce you to Northern Ireland men Ronan Kerr, Omagh, David Black, Cookstown and Stephen Carroll, Banbridge. All are dead. All killed at the hands of madmen (and women) in service of this rhetoric.
Mark Quinsey, Birmingham and Patrick Azimkar, London were young sappers stationed here in 2009 and due to ship out to Afghanistan the next day.
More than likely their families had not yet begun to pray for their safe deliverance from extremist terrorists.
Life here is far from perfect – but since the signing of the Good Friday Agreement things have and continue to be improved. Many like me work tirelessly to see that this continues.
Learn from the best among us!
Take Maeve Aine Kerr, the mother of murdered Catholic police officer Ronan Kerr. Pictured here, she has born this tragedy with dignity and grace collecting his University Degree at the commencement he didn’t live to see – and still urging more Catholics to join the Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI).
In November 2014, 12 “dissidents” (read terrorists) were arrested in Newry and more weapons were seized in Dublin.
Deputy First Minister Martin McGuiness’ whose life is regularly threatened – was threatened with an RPG in February 2015. How many innocents would likely die in the fallout of a rocket propelled grenade? How many RPGs might the dissidents possess?
Nothing changes here until we, our emigrants and the descendants of generations of our emigrants begin to care more about our collective, living children than we or they, hate the enemies of our ancestors.
The centenary of the Easter Rising next year will be enough of a flashpoint. In the meanwhile, please respect our need to build bridges and not intimidate our neighbors.
I will return to America at least three times between now and that centenary. I will likely visit New York, Philadelphia, New Orleans, Florida, Chicago and San Francisco. I am happy to continue this conversation in person. Get in touch. Email eve@eveearley.com or contact me via Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn.
* See graph p 25 of linked article.
My relationship with the Irish language has evolved over the half dozen years I have been here.
It’s doubtful I’ll learn to speak it, I’ve little facility with language, but what I’ve learned about it has certainly informed my understanding of the people of this island.
Three people opened the door to that understanding.
Carol Conway, Freelance Catalyst, facilitator and youth leadership trainer was the first. I’d no idea that she “had Irish”. She’d studied it for the love of the language.
She held my frustration with the use of it – often politically on the border – as a weapon designed to divide an audience into “them vs us”.
“Eve, you won’t understand the Irish people until you’ve studied the Irish language .”
She got my attention with two relevant aspects of the language:
The net effect informs our use of English – and I’ve heard it posited – makes us the storytellers we are.
Linda Ervine, is a Belfast teacher and an Irish Language evangelist. She sees merit in teaching the “Hidden History of Protestants and the Irish Language” going so far as to suggest that in refusing to become familiar with it we deny the connection of the language to the culture of Ulster.
Beyond opening my eyes to the inclusive nature of the language she opened the door to tolerance. In delivering “The Hidden History of Protestants and the Irish Language” as a talk at the 2012 PUP Conference she even addressed my intolerance of what I once thought was a Northern Irish ignorance of grammar. It’s not! *
This abstract is from the Slugger O’Toole blog on the event.
Linda Ervine spoke about the “hidden history of Protestants and the Irish language”. In what was probably the best delivered session, she explained how she had been filling out the recent census online when she looked back at the 1911 census and discovered that her husband’s relatives had lived in East Belfast and spoke both Irish and English. Yet their signatures were listed on the Ulster Covenant. Linda deduced that their knowledge of Irish wasn’t linked to their politics…
She quoted Douglas Hyde, son of a Church of Ireland minister, first president of Ireland and founder of the Gaelic League in 1893, an organisation set up to preserve the Irish language. In 1905 he said:
The Irish language, thank God, is neither Protestant nor Catholic, it is neither a Unionist nor a Separatist.
Linda went on to illustrate how Irish is behind many place names, and words and phrasing we use in everyday vernacular. She also pointed to the Red Hand Commando’s motto which is in Irish! During the coffee break, several delegates signed up for Irish language classes at East Belfast Mission!
She concluded that language was neutral, only a tool to communicate.
She drove home Carol’s point about the structure of the language and what we have carried over into English. Things she used to correct about her Belfast students’ grammar were actually correct in Irish. This among people who are many generations removed from Irish speakers.
She is “Beating swords into plowshares” in Belfast.
And lastly, a cultural and evolutionary observation which bears out the message of both women:
Anthony McCann has proposed imagining an Irish cultural equivalent to “Ubuntu”
Garaiocht: An Irish Value for an Energised Ireland
A linguist, musician and a coach he reflects on Garaiocht as a deeply hopeful value which allows an understanding of the possibility of potential and an openness to a deeply hopeful future.
The link will take you to a brief video describing it in greater depth. In short- imagine the folks of this island – at our convivial best, in good company with a pot of tea and the time to express ourselves in stories. This concept of Garaiocht embodies:
1. Nearness
2. Hereness
3. Withness
4. Helpfulness
5. Conviviality
6. Continuous Action (verbal noun – a noun that acts as a verb) Can’t have an absence of action in the notion of Garaiocht
7. Mutual support/interdependence
8. Resourcefulness/Entrepreneurship the ability to make the best use of the resources that you have (opportunities for helpfulness)
9. Response-ability appropriate to context. Leadership quality with its core values at the heart of Irish life This notion of leadership which is not authoritative – not reliant on command and control.
In “sourcing” the wisdom from this ancient language – he reiterates Douglas Hyde’s point, Linda Erivine’s point and Carol Conway’s widsom when she told me:
You won’t understand the Irish people until you’ve studied the Irish language
We can better understand each other with the gift of a language that predates our generations of conflict. A language that is neither Protestant nor Catholic, it is neither a Unionist nor a Separatist.
Thank you Carol, Linda and Anthony – for opening the door to knowing what I might never have otherwise known!
For more on this subject: “Beating Swords into Ploughshares”
* at 16:55 Linda Ervine discusses the structure of the language. To “twig on” begin a bit before that for a fascinating overview of the words that have entered the Northern Irish vernacular directly from the Irish.
Sharansky Steps, Ralph Bunche Park From Tudor City, NYC.
They shall beat their swords into ploughshares… Isaiah 2:4
This New York City park sits just below my first apartment. I visited it almost daily during the years I lived in Tudor City.
The adolescent, protesting child of the Vietnam War era wondered whether those words would come to pass in my lifetime. Here in Northern Ireland, I believe they have.
Given the full blush of naïve optimism, I assumed that should I live to see such a thing, it would be momentous. It is not.
Moving from war to peace has nothing to do with signatures on treaties or momentous occasions.
It has everything to do with a sustained desire of the majority to maintain the peace, coupled with their sustained and vigilant attention to creating a new reality.
What swords into what ploughshares?
Hijacked as a weapon during The Troubles there’s an oft repeated quote by then Sinn Fein Cultural Officer and Belfast teacher Padraig O Maolchraoibhe in 1982: “I don’t think we can exist as a separate people without our language. Now every phrase you learn is a bullet in the freedom struggle.”
He added that the restoration of the Irish language was part of the process of the “decolonisation of Ireland”.*
My relationship with the Irish language has evolved over the half dozen years I have been here. In early days I heard it used only in the public space by politicians intent on dividing an audience into “them” and “us”. I viewed it as a weapon, as when it was wielded, I found it hurt not to be able to understand.
I’ve made peace with it now. The journey is described in a blog post called “The Irish Language“. It includes the stories of the three people I have to thank, both for enlightening me and for their wider impact on the culture.
It is in the work of one of them that I see not only the ploughshares, but this:
Tell them to beat their swords into ploughshares!
And then tell them to beat their ploughshares into musical instruments!
Then, if they want to make war, they’ll have to stop and make ploughshares, first.*
Linda Ervine is a Belfast woman making such music with the Irish Language. Simultaneously , it’s being embraced by the Diaspora. I can’t imagine a better way to “de-politicize” the language.
A young colleague, passionate about Irish and it’s cross-community cultural significance has been sharing his vast knowledge of it’s history. Between his and Linda Ervine’s evangelizing I have learned:
Interest in the Irish Language emerging in the Diaspora, the growing number of Irish speakers in the Protestant community in Northern Ireland and a hunger to understand the cultural significance of the language among many – all mark a move toward reclaiming the language for all the people of Ireland.
Use of the language is no longer about “decolonizing” but rather reflective of a common cultural heritage. It embraces how we are related to the ancient land and not attached to recent politics.
We who have sprung from this island – from Ulster, Leinster, Munster or Connaught – have more in common than that which divides us.
The Irish Language may now be the vehicle that unites the people of the island of Ireland, irrespective of their taxing authorities.
An article by Camille O’Reilly, which is a studied review of the Nationalists and the Irish Language in Northern Ireland may be of interest for more on this.
My exploration and understanding why reconnecting with the Irish language is so significant can be found at: The Irish Language
* a remembered quote from a sermon over 20 years ago – I was delighted to find it on the dedication page of Roger H. Siminoff’s book, The Luthier’s Handbook . I’m afraid I still don’t know the original source.
**nearly 37,250 as of February ’17; 54K in September ’22
Here’s a 2022 update on Linda Ervine’s work.-
