Starting with my own!

January 1981, I remember the moment vividly.

This was what I didn’t know I didn’t know!

I’d relocated and needed work. I took a recruitment job “placing” accountants and then “selling” for a temporary placement agency. “Salesmanship” was a skill I lacked. Utterly.

Today I understand it on a deeper and more nuanced level. “Salesmanship” is a way of life. Daniel Pink describes it brilliantly in To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Persuading, Convincing, and Influencing Others. “We’re all in sales now…”

The persuading, convincing and influencing begins every day as I arise. I am the “customer”. Today I will choose… it is the mantra that opens my day.

It doesn’t end as I leave for work. My practice is about supporting change. Trained in counseling, my credentials for this subspecialty are less about education and certifications than experience. Recovery is a a process, a way of life. It is not a destination. Every day involves overcoming objections.

My own objections and other peoples’.

Choosing a conscious, mindful  presence in the world, a world overmedicated with mood altering substances and practices isn’t easy.

“Change management” isn’t just for businesses any more. Everyday the question is:

What very small change will I make – or sustain, in order to move forward, personally, professionally or in community?

Begin with: “I will not do what I have always done”,

believe that you can choose to be the “master of (your) fate, the captain of (your) soul“.

It can be done. More easily in the company of others, in fellowship with likeminded people and with skills and tools to short-circuit any objections you encounter.

How? Well quite frankly -“it takes guts”.

Don’t go it alone . Get in touch!

More on Personal Change Management→

Never has it been easier! Resolve to be a “Digital Media Mensch“* in 2015.

It costs little and you’re out there anyway.

A great recipe for money management is saving 10% of what you earn. Some folks with a charitable mindset strive to contribute 10%. Seem steep? Give of yourself, give your time!

Even just one percent of your work week. Work an 8 hour day? That’s 480 minutes. Consider adding 5 minutes on line, 5 days a week. A gift of 1%.

Now:

• Recommend a business that served you well
• Congratulate a Startup, SME or Micro-business on whatever platform you favor
• Thank your tribe – tell your followers & connections what benefit they’ve brought – even if just a smile
• Introduce a service professional to a potential customer
• Like, favorite or comment on discussion – engagement helps everyone

Could give more? Up it to 2% -10 minutes and you’ll have time to ask folks what digital media support they could use. Be available to open doors.

• New menu at a local cafe you frequent? Tweet about it – help drive traffic
• Refurbished premises? Sale on the High Street, Award Winners? Spread the word
• Repost, retweet or recommend an event – help an organizer fill a room

Creating community begins with one relationship at a time. You don’t have to love your neighbor, you don’t even have to like them. If you like what they’re doing, and if they’re adding value to the community – help them along.

*In Yiddish, mentsh roughly means “a good person.” The word has migrated as a loanword into American English, where a mensch is a particularly good person, similar to a “stand-up guy”, a person with the qualities one would hope for in a friend or trusted colleague. (Wikipedia)

Neo Ireland is all about growing a dynamic entrepreneurial ecosystem regionally.  We do that by creating community.

We provide a physical and virtual space for curious and interested people who want to experiment with entrepreneurship and social enterprise. We inspire by telling the “good news” stories and letting entrepreneurs lead by example. It’s an incubator and a “launchpad”.

Our first outreach was BizCampNI since 2012, we’ve run in them Newry, Belfast & Craigavon.

BizCamp provides an entire day of inspiration and education as volunteer speakers, accomplished in some aspect of running an SME or microbusiness take to a podium to share their experience. It’s continuing education to teach what we didn’t know we didn’t know about marketing, PR, finance, innovation and business development.

Beyond that it has created a community of “BizCampers”. When you leave a BizCamp you don’t just have a pocket full of business cards. You have potential relationships.

We offer a microbusiness support group in Newry. Moms that Work and Women that Work were the original day and evening groups. Merged into one and meeting monthly, on line and now informally over the course of three years, relationships have been established and new businesses formed. More importantly the group now exists as a safe place to ask for help and advice, test new ideas and get the word out about new products, opportunities, craft fairs and available business development courses.

The Drone Academy and After School Coding Club are perhaps the best example of what happens when you simply make the space available. This ground up effort by a resident programmer with little more than his ambition to teach young folks to code – has resulted in about thirty people through the doors and 3 full time programmer/app developers added to the region.

Newry Creates is our latest endeavor. Re-united with BizCamp co-founder Chris McCabe we’re happy to support this bi-monthly, evening meeting at Amplified Bar. Chris is leading with his same passion for building community as when he helped introduce BizCamp 5 years ago. Local entrepreneurs, creatives and technologists are invited to give a 10 minute lightning talk on their success story. The ups & the downs.

We’re a dynamic and entrepreneurial region already – come find out who is making all that happen and how! Perhaps become inspired to take a leap yourself.

2015 promises to be a banner year continuing these endeavours and adding more. We’ve moved to smaller quarters, created a “hacker space” to invite more techies to hang out and share their wisdom. There’s a regular Coderdojo back on the roster. We’re taking the Women that Work group to a new level, rebranding as Microbuzz.biz in order to offer a crossborder reach to men and women.

Let us have your feedback, add your name to our mailing list, or just let us know how we can help you make 2015 a prosperous one.

Email: eve@neoireland.org

The solstice has passed, we’ve had our shortest day, and I look forward to longer daylight hours. Clearly our cultural and religious traditions support that desire.

In a 2010 post “Happy Chanukah, Ireland”, I reflected on the tradition of remembering the re-dedication of the temple defiled by the Greeks.

“The miracle celebrated is one of faith and light. The oil found there was only enough to light the ritual lamp for one day; it lasted eight. We recall this by lighting candles every night for eight nights. On the first night one, the second two and so on.

The holiday, at this darkest time of the year reminds us that with faith and a commitment to re-dedication every night brings an ever-increasing amount of light.”

No Christmas celebration is complete without festive lights, be they candles in sanctuaries, in crowns on the heads of young girls or bedecking a tree.

The Christmas story of the birth of the “light of the world” complete with wise men following a star, was likely imported to the solstice season. Whenever the actual birth, I am intrigued by this “Winter Solstice described in layman’s terms“:

“From the summer solstice to the winter solstice the days become shorter and colder and from the perspective of the Northern Hemisphere the sun appears to move south and get smaller and more scarce.

The shortening of the days and the expiration of the crops symbolized the process of death to the ancients. It was the death of the sun.

And by December 22 the sun’s demise was fully realized for the sun having moved south continually for 6 months makes it to it’s lowest point in the sky.

Here a curious thing occurs. The sun stops moving south.

At least perceiveably for three days. And during this three day pause the sun resides in the vicinity of the Southern Cross (or Crux) constellation and after December 25, the sun moves one degree , this time North – foreshadowing longer days, warmth and spring.

And thus it was said, the sun died on the cross, was dead for three days only to be resurrected or born again.”

I love the imagery. Third day of darkness since the Solstice – December 25th as the archetypal birth of the year!

Whatever your faith tradition, even absent one – these are universal stories.

The ancients coped with the darkness by celebrating with light. These traditions evolved in the myths created to explain what was fearsome, awe inspiring and confusing in the natural world.

Whether that light is literal or figurative, I’d encourage all of us to look within and not let the light go out.

Peter, Paul & Mary brought their passion for storytelling, peace and folk music together in “Light One Candle”.

When the breadth of suffering in the world overwhelms, we can remember that change comes, as with the return of the daylight, one degree at a time.

Consciously living in the light honoring “the terrible sacrifice justice and freedom demand”, seeking “the strength that we need to never become our own foe” and keeping faith with “those who are suffering pain we learned so long ago”, we can collectively bring an ever-increasing amount of light to the world.

Resolutions are one thing – execution quite another.

Take inspiration from the research showing that cigarette smokers increase their odds of quitting with every (even failed) attempt.

Instead of “resolving” – review. What did you resolve in 2014? 2010? 1999? My guess is something pretty close to what you’re planning to change in the future.

This year, skip the plan.

Want to be less disorganized, thinner, richer, healthier? In a new relationship, out of an old one? In a new job? A new house?

None of these things change unless you do. And it’s not just a behavioural change. It’s a fundamental one.

Alcoholics who get sober frequently become food or exercise addicts. Food addicts on a diet often overspend. Any real recovery requires uncovering the root of your problem.

Generally, it’s a need to self-medicate pain or dodge discomfort.

So why aren’t you comfortable in your own skin?

Resolve only to learn this:

How do I become “comfortable in my own skin”?

Try three questions:

How can I know what I don’t know?

Who holds the pain of my self-doubt?

How has failing to change served me or those around me?

Then make a plan to assemble a winning team; a coach and fellow players who will inspire & guide you while training by your side every step of the way.

There are some excellent self-help books to help you begin the process of unearthing your obstacles to change.

“Living Your Best Life” (Fortgang) is a great way to dive in. You’ll have no difficulty reading it over the holidays – and if you take the exercises seriously you will be well on your way.

Next step – choose a team!

Fellow travellers are critical. We need safe people in our lives, however, “familiar” is not necessarily “safe”.

Think about it. If you have surrounded yourself with the same people for years and you haven’t been able to make significant changes in your life – perhaps it is because in any system – we all return to the status quo.

There are networks, meetings and classes everywhere. Plan to take in at least one new event a month. Make a few of them classes.

Already going to yoga? Try a different class at a different time. You might meet a new best friend there. Like your gym? Take a session at another – you don’t know whom you might meet.

Ever hear of “laughter yoga” – no exercise involved – but be prepared to leave happily inspired.

Business network comfortably familiar? Other networks welcome visitors – don’t commit – just take a chance on a meeting.

Change is hard. Small steps matter!

Adopt a mantra for 2015: “I love and accept myself the way that I am today, I am enough”.

The miracle of acceptance is that as you come to believe this, by 2016 your life will have changed. For the better!

November. Conscious of and indebted to the efforts of veterans worldwide – I remember.

An American expat living in Ireland, in matters of politics I have pacifist leanings. I am, however, untroubled by a passion for honouring the military and sacrifices made on my behalf. Generations of sacrifices.

American veterans, British veterans, Canadian, German, Irish, Italian, Japanese, Israeli and Arab veterans, I make no distinction. Every one was called upon by his or her motherland to serve.

Service. Few of those who served or died had a say in the arguments, feuds and passions that led to the conflicts. Some followed reprehensible orders, all faced circumstances I have not. I respect their service, even when not in service to my ideals.

On the eleventh day of the eleventh month at the eleventh hour every year, I am proud to say that I have thought of, prayed and cried for the sacrifices of all veterans. Perhaps due to my age or the fact that I am an American of Irish and Italian descent who is Jewish, my mind goes first to the soldiers who liberated the concentration camps. Beyond the dangers they faced in their war efforts up until that day, most took to their graves the horror of what they witnessed, and it was only in its aftermath.

My uncle was an Italian soldier who spent most of WWII in a Russian POW camp. Was his sacrifice less noble or costly because the leadership of his homeland chose the “other” side? I know an Israeli veteran whose service in the Lebanon war haunts him to this day. You get my point: Veteran’s day is complicated.

I never thought that before, it was driven home by an effort in 2010 to obtain a small red poppy for a British expat in the states. I lived in Carlingford, on the border with Northern Ireland, the UK.  I assumed that in my travels I would be able to make a donation and pick up this token of remembrance known all over the British Isles.

Not so. “Ah sure, but you wouldn’t want to be trying to find that.”  “No lass, we wouldn’t be wearing that around here.” “You’re brave to be asking for one of those.”

I have learned to challenge that response. 50,000 Irish soldiers died in WWI and many now serve with UN peacekeepers. I am sorry for the legacy of the British occupation. I try to be sensitive to both sides.

That said, I am outraged by the intolerance and disrespect of the young men and women who serve their homelands, anywhere. Especially here.

Whether in victory or defeat we must celebrate the gift of the lives veterans and their families have given. That gift is literally our present.

I have a US homeland, thanks to brave grandparents who emigrated. Ireland is now home.

• My Irish forbearers were driven out by the policies of the British. Can I hold that against a British soldier now in service to causes I support?
• The Irish government generously regards this grandchild born abroad, a citizen. It’s soldiers serve bravely with UN peacekeeping troops worldwide. Can I blame an Irish soldier for the Republic’s neutrality in the face of genocide during WWII?
• The genocide that left my Jewish children deprived of extended families that exist no longer? Here as a Jew I am pilloried as an extension of the Israeli occupation. I have no connection to Israel, but should I disdain the service of her young?
• Jews trapped in European homelands 70 years ago were dependent upon and betrayed by soldiers in whose armies many had served. Later they were grateful to the soldiers of other homelands who liberated them.

Whose soldiers and what sacrifices would you have me forget?

*This is an edited version of a post which originally appeared in November 2010. It was followed by another on the objections of some to observance of Remembrance Day in Northern Ireland schools.

Global City!

Tangible Ireland’s Dublin meeting October 9th is a special one. It marks the first session of my “senior year”* at Tangible.

Four years ago, with the help of Linkedin’s algorithms, I found my way to a meeting at the Dublin Civic Trust.

Welcomed by Dan Feahney, an enthusiastic, ex-pat American, I felt comfortable. Joining over 20 men and women from Northern Ireland & the Republic – it was the best collective company I’d found since arriving two years earlier. Remarkably, a full quarter of the group were women!

2010 was a bleak time in Ireland. We’d already hit bottom. My response was that there was no where to go but up. Everywhere I turned I saw opportunity.

Not so my Irish neighbours.

I was frustrated. The passivity of most and their despair was overwhelming. Where was the outrage? Where were the protests? Why were people saying “We got the run of ourselves, now we’ll pay”?

No one deserved it. It was clearly a failure of leadership, abuses of power and downright incompetence and it was going unpunished. (Sadly, still is…)

Compounding my frustration, I was still confounded by life on the border. The Good Friday Agreement was over a decade past and I lived every day with new messages about “them” & “us”. Somehow we could rail against historic wrongs, be willing to fight imagined enemies over exaggerated slights, but we were passive about the real and present danger.

Not at Tangible. It was different there, among these people.

One by one people rose to present.

I finally heard a language I recognized. Passion was alive in the voices of those calling for new & responsible leadership, self-reliance and a prosperity process!

Presenters came from across the island. I heard the language of respectful citizens of both governments interested in addressing the needs of the island’s economy with no political agenda.

Everything I heard at that meeting affirmed my vision of what life in Ireland could be. This community and their messages have sustained me.

There were 11 speakers that day. They included a young activist and social entrepreneur, Killian Stokes. He’d created a charity. Conceived in Dublin driven by a software platform built in Belfast, he recounted fundraising in America. Nothing passive about a young man equipped with a file of Google images, doorstepping executives and funders at meetings and conferences in New York. Here was passion, confidence and enthusiasm I could relate to!

Next up was Paul Smyth. The quiet dignity of this Belfast based Chief Executive of Public Achievement – belied the passion behind founding WIMPS – Where is My Public Servant? He was answering my near constant musing: Why isn’t anyone holding politicians to account? He was empowering teenagers in Northern Ireland to “speak truth to power” – with microphones in their hands plus the training and wherewithal to disseminate the interviews.

And then Ronan King took the floor. The theme of the day was Excellence in Ireland and one of the most powerful moments was when he put up a slide and said: “Do you know what happens when you Google Fianna Fail & Dynasty?”

Suffice it to say much blood was spilled to form a Republic that is shockingly dynastic.

His focus on demanding the accountability of regulators and bankers was refreshing in light of the self-flagellation I was used to hearing.

Noreen Bowden, an American ex-pat then living and working here presented on diaspora relationships, specifically, the disenfranchisement of emigrants.

Talks on talent management and leadership development by Alan Jordan & Danica Murphy were delivered in language I recognized. Empowering, not self-effacing; proactive and not passive.

Carol Conway then went on to deliver a summary of the first Ambassador Summer School. I knew I’d found a home. She and Dan Feahney closed by moderating a discussion: A Shared Future, the potential to design an Ireland of excellence.

Every seminar since has done precisely that. Tangible Ambassadors share the vision of an excellent, prosperous and sustainable island of Ireland fueled by the wisdom, strength & wealth of Global Ireland.

Join us as we gather annually in other Global cities – London in November, New York in May or Sydney in the summer; Belfast in February, Limerick in March;  Howth in January, Crossmaglen in July & Kilmallock in August.

Why? Noreen Bowden has returned to America, Killian Stokes is living and working there, along with 1000 like him who leave Ireland every week. Let’s develop the leaders who will create a dynamic, sustainable and prosperous Ireland for our children and grandchildren to come home to!

*College & high school years are called freshman, sophmore, junior & senior in America.

It’s a poor workman who blames his tools…

This adage conjures an image:

• a Singer sewing machine
• my frowning, 4’10” Italian grandmother and
• a judgment that if times got hard, my earning potential doing “piece work” would be pitiful.

Good that I’m better equipped for 21st Century “piece work”! Probably because the “tools” are more like “toys”.

My favourite new toy is Wordle. Their copy calls it: a toy for generating “word clouds”.

And I had been playing with it as directed – until…

Collaboration, cooperation, and a circle of like-minded souls changed all that!

Something extraordinary happened when Carol Conway, Freelance Catalyst didn’t use Wordle “as directed”.

She’s the dynamic facilitator who was directing, coordinating & tracking the content, tenor & tone of a  Summer School I attended this week. She employed Wordle to help.

The gift was not in this visual which highlights the output of 25 speakers, but rather that it was a key part of the process. Each day we submitted on post-its – words and themes that resonated with us as they came up.

In the evening, via the magic of the word cloud, she’d create and share an image.

That was powerful enough – but having slept on it – our breakfast conversations were even more enlightened.

Here’s why it mattered:

We think in images. Carol pointed out that we are exposed to thousands (did I hear 50,000?) of bits of information a day. We remember or focus on only a tiny fraction. In a crowded room, the attention of individuals was on different bits – and we all experienced those differently – through our individual filters.

This image of our collective process was a brilliant way to encourage reflection on what had percolated to the top of the group consciousness and encouraged some to bring their voices and passion to other issues that hadn’t been heard.

I delighted in the power it brought to the introverts in the room.

Their voices are empowered by reflective time. This allowed the extraverts to then could see what they may not have heard.

The visuals will speak for themselves!

A few years ago when a colleague’s grandson was only 6, he came home from school having been taught the biblical story of Joseph.

“Daddy, why did his brothers throw Joseph in the pit?”

“Because Joseph was his father’s favorite. Jacob didn’t treat the other brothers as nicely.”

The wee one went off. A good while later he was back, having seriously contemplated the matter at hand.

“They should have thrown Joseph’s father in the pit!”

That, dear readers, is precisely why we tell stories.

Whatever your relationship to, belief about, or even disdain for The Bible, the Book of Genesis is a good read. A psychology professor of mine once opened a class in group dynamics with:

“…and if you’re working with families don’t underestimate the complexity. Everything you need to know about that can be found in Genesis”

In an earlier post on Storytelling, I explored the archetypal nature of stories. Simply put, it’s the way in which groups, families, or societies behave, as demonstrated in common threads, patterns, or characters that appear across most human behavior.

Changing behavior, becoming resilient, and recovery of any kind all rely on our ability to observe our behavior, elucidate patterns, and reflect on their origin.

So whether it’s about a personal recovery – or a societal one, the lessons apply.

The six-year-old who has genuinely considered the parenting lesson at the core of the Joseph story will parent differently in later life. There is little doubt his own father’s parenting is at the core of his power to observe, reflect, and conclude.

There is application also to our wider human family and more specifically to us here on the island of Ireland. I would encourage us to consider the divisiveness of our “Green” & “Orange” narratives in the context of families, human behavior, and Genesis.

This Joseph story doesn’t begin with Jacob’s poor parenting. Jacob’s own father rejected him for his twin. His own favoritism of Joseph was born of his grief at Rachael’s death. Joseph was a motherless child, the first-born of his favored wife.

How much of this story is owed to that accident of birth? To the times in which he was born?

And if you never knew the historical context or the family background does it inform your understanding of Jacob, Joseph, and his brothers? Leave you more compassionate, perhaps?’

A “family conflict of legendary proportions” is how it is further discussed by David Lewicki, Our Dysfunctional Families (Genesis 37: 1-4, 12-28), an excellent read.

I would argue that were we to explore the Irish historical narrative in this way, and other nation’s stories, we would come to a more compassionate understanding of ourselves and each other.

For more on changing narratives in Ireland see On Changing Conversations in Ireland or listen to a range of speakers from the Changing Conversations series at the XChangeNI Summer School 2014.

Oh, we Irish are grand storytellers. Poor though, in frank and open conversation. Worse at speaking truth to power. Perhaps the former comes naturally. For the latter, skills are required.

We teach polite, we teach deference, we don’t teach assertiveness or skills to influence¹. That is a very specific skill set.

We lack a belief that we are entitled to be heard. Not to always get our way, rather to be respected when we assert our needs, our insights, and ourselves.

How else can one explain the dearth of leadership across public institutions in two governments in Ireland? We whinge to our friends, but we are silent in public.²

Imagine finding your voice as a way to take back your power. And to empower others.

I tell this story often, to illustrate the way in which we silence ourselves.

The butcher enquired of my special request. “What would you be wanting that for?”

I’d forgotten that even a paying customer’s whims are not always humored in Irish villages.

“My children are coming and it’s their favorite.” His politely stern retort: “Well, your children will just have to learn to eat Irish”

The child in me recognized the tone. Educated by an Irish order of nuns in an academy with a mission to transform the daughters of immigrants into ladies worthy of the upper classes their parents aspired to, I knew to smile, nod and change my order.

It would have been an automatic response before a thity year journey of finding my voice. My response was polite but fierce.

“Well, I will learn to eat Irish, my guests will learn to eat Irish, but my children will get what they have always gotten. I’ll be in tomorrow at two to pick it up.”

I did and it was lovely.

Apart from my reputation as that “cheeky American woman”, all goes well enough. I shop there and enjoy conversations about children and grandchildren and have fine meals of my choosing.

Two friends related how they handle the same shop. “The Irish way” I’m told.

One, an American expat said “Eve, you will just have to learn to act Irish”. The other, a woman with a family of six, regularly drives 18 miles round trip to shop elsewhere because “he always tries to talk me out of what I want”.

Surely these responses serve no one.

Failure to assert what we need, and in this case, what we are entitled to as paying customers, does a disservice to all.

I don’t get what I want, the environment suffers the insult of extra emissions and the butcher misses an opportunity to serve, to please and as in his case with me, excel.

It belies a disrespect of both the merchant and us. It is in his best interest to sell the meat already cut in the case. It is simply incumbent upon me to insist on what I want. That is a transaction of equals.

Working with a group of clients I used this example to explore the nuances of language, practice assertiveness and exercise our voices in a new way.

Months after the long forgotten session I ran into one.

“I have a butcher story for you. I remembered what you said about asking for what we don’t see, or sending a dish back.”

In the past out of “politeness” she wouldn’t have asked for something she didn’t see.

“So I asked for rhubarb.” He didn’t carry it, he didn’t know why, but he said “The farmer up the road has a field of it. Leave it with me and come back tomorrow.”

A few hours later a lad from the store delivered a bunch to her house. Now, in season he carries it.

Her assertion provided an opportunity for him to be generous, prove his skill as a wise merchant, and my point.

A fine man, willing to please, he is rarely given the opportunity. In our deference we don’t empower each other to do better.

Power and influence are there for the taking. It requires no force, just practice. In fact you may find that the more softly you speak the harder they listen…and pay attention.

¹The Elements of Influence

The Elements of Power

²Irish voter turnout, 2014

For more on the painting – The Storyteller: http://robvanderwildttellerstalespictured.wordpress.com/2013/07/21/this-man-is-a-real-storyteller-and-so-is-his-painter/