Make 2015 matter!

Resolutions are one thing – execution quite another.images

Take inspiration from the research showing that cigarette smokers increase their odds of quitting with every (even failed) attempt.

Instead of “resolving” – review. What did you resolve in 2014? 2010? 1999? My guess is something pretty close to what you’re planning to change in the future.

This year, skip the plan.

Want to be less disorganized, thinner, richer, healthier? In a new relationship, out of an old one? In a new job? A new house?

None of these things change unless you do. And it’s not just a behavioural change. It’s a fundamental one.

Alcoholics who get sober frequently become food or exercise addicts. Food addicts on a diet often overspend. Any real recovery requires uncovering the root of your problem.

Generally, it’s a need to self-medicate pain or dodge discomfort.

So why aren’t you comfortable in your own skin?

Resolve only to learn this:

How do I become “comfortable in my own skin”?

Try three questions:

How can I know what I don’t know?

Who holds the pain of my self-doubt?

How has failing to change served me or those around me?

Then make a plan to assemble a winning team; a coach and fellow players who will inspire & guide you while training by your side every step of the way.

There are some excellent self-help books to help you begin the process of unearthing your obstacles to change.

Living Your Best Life” (Fortgang) is a great way to dive in. You’ll have no difficulty reading it over the holidays – and if you take the exercises seriously you will be well on your way.

Next step – choose a team!

Fellow travellers are critical. We need safe people in our lives, however, “familiar” is not necessarily “safe”.images

Think about it. If you have surrounded yourself with the same people for years and you haven’t been able to make significant changes in your life – perhaps it is because in any system – we all return to the status quo.

There are networks, meetings and classes everywhere. Plan to take in at least one new event a month. Make a few of them classes.

Already going to yoga? Try a different class at a different time. You might meet a new best friend there. Like your gym? Take a session at another – you don’t know whom you might meet.

Ever hear of “laughter yoga” – no exercise involved – but be prepared to leave happily inspired.

Business network comfortably familiar? Other networks welcome visitors – don’t commit – just take a chance on a meeting.

Change is hard. Small steps matter!

Adopt a mantra for 2015: “I love and accept myself the way that I am today, I am enough”.

who_i_am_is_enough-104339

The miracle of acceptance is that as you come to believe this, by 2016 your life will have changed. For the better!




Respecting Our Journey

Living intentionally is a choice.

It’s nothing short of a heroic journey – a journey of recovery. You will not hear talk of being recovered. This is an ongoing struggle.

In my case, I was enlighted by children who are my taskmasters. They caught and duly chastised me, when I utter aloud the negative self talk that holds me back. Admittedly, on occasion, they still do.

The inner critic, censor, or in my case, the prerecorded voice of parents saying I am not creative enough, artistic enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough – all often after having been praised by others for great grades or an accomplishment. Why? Perspective. They didn’t want me to “get a big head”.

Or perhaps it was that they recognised something that irritated them. More objectively it was likely they were dissatisfied with something that bothered them about themselves or each other.

cowering childAnd like any dependent child who believes adults are infallible – theirs was the last word; they were the authority. I recorded the message and spent a lifetime playing it back.

In a recent conversation with one daughter she related some of the negative self talk she hears. I was appalled. She like her sisters, each in a unique way – is bright, beautiful and accomplished. Did I give you that message?  Did I ever say that to you? “No”, she replied, “but you said it to yourself”.  I was sure I had affirmed and assured each of them and it was my own self abuse that undermined the message.

So what will banish that voice? First I had to learn to recognize it. My wakeup call came in a counseling session 25 years ago. I don’t know which in the litany of inadequacies I used but it was something demeaning. The therapist raised her voice (completely out of character) and sternly asked: “Would you let anyone speak to your child that way?”

I quaked, certainly not!

Adopt the premise.

No children, no problem. Visualise a vulnerable child, friend or loved one.

Would you let anyone put them down, undermine their self esteem, or murder their creative spirit? When you muster the rage, that defensive fight vs. flight response in support of that vulnerability – you are on your way. Not there yet: picture someone angry about anything, who then goes over and kicks the dog.

Think about reclaiming yourself – your spirit, your optimism, and your potential by actively fighting off the wielder of toxic words. Sadly, often ourselves.

When you repeat the message that you can’t – you can’t. When you become your greatest ally and supporter, your ideal parent, you can do anything.

Need a cheerleader?  Find a cheerleader, create a tribe. Engage. Talk about why this is so hard, even though you know it makes sense.

Learn from the best parents and teachers. They love and accept the children given to their care. They don’t chastise or undermine, they encourage and empower; teaching them to explore and maximize gifts and compensate for or to overcome challenges.

Good parents and teachers know no absolutes, only possibilities.

#DontGoItAlone! If you think we can help, get in touch via the form at the right.

For more on embracing this heroic journey, ask yourself: Where will you be 5 years from today?